The dating game

Does absence make the heart grow fonder?
The start of freshman year always sees a significant handful of loyal souls clutching onto the relationships that have defined their teenage years. As the year progresses however, many of these relationships fall by the wayside. Going into college with an “other” back home is normally very difficult. The social/drunken/hormonal atmosphere of university means that the relationship is likely to be severely tested and even if that one drunken slip doesn’t get you, it is likely that the mileage will. There is also the undeniably irritating but also undeniably true parental argument – “too serious, too young.” College is after all a time to get out there and try new things – be careful not to tie yourself down or you might just end up resenting that one true love.
This is not to say the long distance relationships don’t work for some. After all America has some pretty bizarre dating rituals and some people just feel more comfortable sticking to what they know. But it pays to consider the options before you swear eternal devotion and get on that plane. And if you do decide to stay together, for goodness sake invest in an international calling card and a beneficial air miles deal!

Braving the new
Remember all those high school movies? The ugly girl becomes beautiful, the jock discovers he has a heart, the whole thing comes together in one great romantic climax on prom night….. American fact or Hollywood fiction? It’s difficult to tell but whatever the answer, one truth stands out – dating in the United States is a whole new experience.
Of course, as in England, it is difficult to generalize about relationships across the range of universities. Students who head for one of the more relaxed and less academic schools will discover dating scenarios that are totally different to the insanely introspective and intellectualized relationships that define some of the Ivy Leagues. Think Road Trip versus Love Story. But there are some crucial elements to American romance that seem to go across the board.
First of all there is the actual definition of the word “dating.” No-one in England falls into this category. You’re either going out or you’re not. In America on the other hand you can quite easily be routinely be seeing the same person and yet have absolutely no idea what on earth the status of your relationship is. Let alone if you even have one! There comes a point when casual dating turns into monogamous dating which still isn’t quite a relationship but doesn’t allow relationships with anyone else but – well you get the idea. Americans seem to be born with an embedded cultural chip that enables them to understand all of this stuff – appealing to your friends for explanations is often a plan.
Secondly the actual date itself is a somewhat different experience. This may be due to the alcohol restrictions in this country. Somehow in England, pubs, bars and clubs lend themselves to drunken encounters which sometimes develop into something more memorable. In America however the most used phrase is “let’s have coffee.” It makes no difference if neither of you actually like coffee – the formalities have to be preserved. No wonder Starbucks is so popular.
But actually getting to the coffee stage is something to be proud of. Forget any rules of relationship behavior that you might have learnt at home. Do not expect to go on dates alone – everyone continues to travel as a pack. Do not expect the man to call. American men are used to more aggressive women. (Girls however should hang on to what little British reticence they have – a few American men find it interesting!!!). And if you get stuck – for goodness sake ask an American, not an international student, for advice.
Perhaps the whole debacle can be best summed up in the words of a frustrated friend of mine who studied in North Carolina (capitals her own) “the “dating” KILLED ME. What I really like about European guys is that they tend to tell you or show you whether they like you or not. Then I came to North Carolina and go on a date with this guy. It was SO embarrassing. The movie ended and he drove me home. Nothing happened. Then he did not call again for about a week. Then we went out to dinner and to the beach. Then he drove me home. STILL nothing happened. Then he did not call for a few days. Then we went out again….AND THIS WENT ON FOR A MONTH OR TWO…..I did not know how to deal with the whole situation any longer so I got him drunk and ONLY THEN something happened….and all the other girls from America were telling me not to stress as nothing seemed wrong!!! But HOW CAN SOMEONE KIND OF BE YOUR BOYFRIEND?! HE IS EITHER YOUR BOYFRIEND OR HE IS NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND.”

And for the boys…
British boys have one secret weapon in their mission to conquer the fair daughters of America – their accent. It is undeniably true that when English men open their mouths, American girls swoon. (Girls, you can also work your “cute” accent to your advantage but don’t be prepared for quite the same effect.) It may have something to do with Prince William, but the average Yankee girl will initially seem more than receptive to your suave English charm. So all of your dreams about the liberated American woman, sun-kissed, schooled in the arts of high school seduction and just waiting for her own personal Prince Charming may very well be fulfilled. Certainly the Brits who come to visit US college campuses can be heard uttering resounding cries of “American girls are SO fit….” (Note: Don’t offer this as a compliment here – no-one will have any idea what you’re talking about.)
However it is only fair to point out that many British boys have noted a down side to this liberated American female. She has, for the most part, been brought up to believe that a more aggressive attitude towards dating is the correct one to take. The use of reticent feminine wiles is limited on college campuses (this may well be because the poor girls have to resort to this attitude just to cut through the American boy’s deeply relaxed attitude.) The straightforward nature of the American girlfriend can be great. You know that she likes you, she singles you out, it’s good for your ego. But at the same time, many English gentlemen begin to feel that they are losing control, after all they have been taught that it is polite to hold open doors and pay for meals. Ultimately however, these differences seem to work themselves out – and the long tradition of young American girls falling in love with distinguished English gents suggests that you may well be in with a chance!